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About Rob Johnson

Writer and reluctant olive farmer podcasting about life in Greece.

‘A Kilo of String’ – Some reviews so far

A Kilo of String

It has got to be the most hilarious book I have read to date!

Pearls of unadulterated enjoyment.

Brilliant!

I can’t put the book down.

The funniest book ever written about life in Greece!

Your books are a scream. Loved them.

The writing is excellent and really brings to life the lovely eccentricities of the Greek people.

If you want to read something that will make you cry from laughing I highly recommend this book!!!

Rob’s anecdotes are hilarious and ring so true.

Insightful commentary on the troubles Greece is suffering as a result of the austerity measures. All in all a really good read.

Simply hilarious.

An excellent insight to the ways and workings of Greece and the Greeks.

I hope Rob continues to write such fantastic books as this.

I chuckled all through it.

A fine snapshot of life in Greece.

All in all a cracking, good fun read.

Loved the book and love Rob’s sense of humour.

Made me almost choke on my coffee as I laughed out loud.

Captures Greeks beautifully.

Hilarious and informative.

Has me howling with laughter.

Your portrayal of both characters and incidents which both you and Penny came across were at times achingly funny.

Excellent book, very funny and true to Greek life.

There is a certain knack to storytelling and this latest novel is a prime example of how to convey reality to an audience with humour.

A great read!! I really enjoyed his spot-on insight into the Greek psyche.

Click here for more reviews of A Kilo of String

Click here for more details of A Kilo of String

Click here to read the opening chapters

My interview in Expat.com Magazine

Photo from Expat.com interview

Photo of the author hard at work

Ooh er, I’ve been interviewed by Expat.com Magazine about life in Greece to coincide with the publication of my new book, A Kilo of String.

“Rob Johnson is a self-described ‘reluctant olive farmer’ and an author in Greece. Originally from England, Rob has just published his new book, ‘A Kilo of String’, which gives fellow expats and anyone thinking of moving to Greece some insight into the oddities and unique aspects of living there. Rob tells Expat.com a bit about how he’s finding day to day life in Greece, olives and all.”

If you’d like to read the full interview (or just look at the pictures), you can find the article at Writing novels and farming olives: An English expat in Greece.

Living in Greece

Out Now! ‘A Kilo of String’ Audiobook

“Fabulously funny – a real must for lovers of all things Greek.”

A Kilo of String is now available in e-book, paperback and audiobook formats from Amazon.

'A Kilo of String' cover

Cover design by Penny Philcox © 2017

After living in Greece for thirteen years, writer and reluctant olive farmer Rob Johnson has got used to most of the things that he and his partner Penny found so bizarre at the beginning. Most, but not all.

A Kilo of String is the story-so-far of this not-particularly-plucky couple’s often bewildering experiences among the descendants of Sophocles, Plato and Nana Mouskouri with occasional digressions into total irrelevances.

This is a book which is almost guaranteed not to change your life, but what it will do is answer many of the fundamental questions about life in Greece, such as:

How do you avoid ordering a double tomato for your pine marten when booking a hotel room?

Should olive harvesting be registered with the Dangerous Sports Association?

Why are chicken livers useful (other than to the chickens themselves)?

Why is it a good idea to wear your underwear inside-out?

Why is playing the bassoon bad for your health?

Oh yes, and there are some serious bits too about how life in Greece has changed since the beginning of the economic crisis.

A Kilo of String is loosely based on Rob Johnson’s podcast series of the same name, which is free to listen to and download. (See below.)

Click here to read the opening chapters.

Click here to read reviews.

Click here to buy.

 

Awesome Indies Seal of Approval!

I’m delighted to say that all of my books have now been approved by Awesome Indies, which means that:

AIA Badge Gold for web

“Publishing industry professionals have evaluated these books against specific criteria for quality fiction.”

Lifting the Lid received the Awesome Indies Seal of Approval some time ago, but more recently, Heads You Lose and Quest for the Holey Snail have also been approved.

Click on the title of each book if you’d like to read the full reviews.

‘Lifting the Lid’ & ‘Heads You Lose’ price drop

Yes, bot'Lifting the Lid' and 'Heads You Lose' countdown dealh books in the Lifting the Lid comedy thriller series are currently only 99p (UK) and 99c (US) – but for a few days only.

Here are some recent reviews for Lifting the Lid

‘An easy read with a fun plot that keeps you guessing and chuckling in equal measure. Give it a go. You won’t regret it.’

‘It kept me chuckling along right to the end. A thoroughly gripping yarn.’

‘Loved it. Just about to read the sequel. You’ve gained another fan. Keep writing!!’

And for Heads You Lose

‘This book was so good I could not put it down. Very funny.’

‘Great sequel to Lifting the Lid. A fun adventure. Didn’t want it to end.’

‘A wonderful holiday read, with another well-planned plot. Can’t wait for the next one!’

 

Paperback edition of ‘Quest for the Holey Snail’ – Available now

Quest paperback PHOTO 400x400 for FB COMPRESSED

Quest for the Holey Snail is now available as a paperback as well as an e-book.

“Not just another book about serial-killing monks who travel through time and wear Union Jack flip-flops.”Unusual Footwear Monthly

Click here to read the opening chapters.

Click here to read the reviews so far.

‘Quest for the Holey Snail’ paperback edition – Coming soon

'Quest for the Holey Snail' paperback coverThe paperback edition of ‘Quest for the Holey Snail’ will be published very soon. Just waiting for the proof copy, and if all’s well, the “proper book” will be available in about ten days from now.

In the meantime, the ebook edition is available at viewBook.at/Quest

‘Quest for the Holey Snail’ – Available now!

My new novel, Quest for the Holey Snail, is now available as an e-book from Amazon. (Paperback edition to follow soon.)

'Quest for the Holey Snail' cover

Cover design by Penny Philcox © 2016

HALF PRICE FOR A LIMITED PERIOD ONLY (£0.99  $0.99  €0.99)

“Not just another book about serial-killing monks who travel through time and wear Union Jack flip-flops.” – Unusual Footwear Monthly

Click here for more information about the book.

Click here to read the opening chapters.

Click here to buy Quest for the Holey Snail ebook.

‘Quest for the Holey Snail’

Horace's advertWhen Horace Tweed places an advertisement in a national and moderately well respected periodical, the last thing he expects is to be commissioned to travel back through time in search of the long extinct Holey Snail.

Meanwhile, Detective Chief Inspector Harper Collins has her hands full trying to track down a secret order of monks whom she suspects of committing a series of murders – the same monks who are determined to thwart Horace in his…

 …’Quest for the Holey Snail’ – my new novel, coming soon(ish).

‘Heads You Lose’ – Out now in paperback!

'Heads You Lose' paperbackAs well as the e-book edition, Heads You Lose is now also available as a paperback from Amazon.

“A highly entertaining, well-constructed screwball comedy that is as enjoyable as it is well written.” – Keith Nixon for Big Al’s Books and Pals

“Masterfully planned and executed… It tickled my funny bone in all the right places.” – Joanne Armstrong for Ingrid Hall Reviews

Click here for details.

Click here to read more reviews.

Click here to read the first four chapters.

‘Heads You Lose’ nominated for award!

B and P Readers' Choice Award

B and P Readers’ Choice Award Nominee 2015

Heads You Lose has been shortlisted for a Readers’ Choice Award in the Humour Category at the Big Al’s Books and Pals review website. There are fourteen categories in all, and nominated books have been chosen which “stood out from the pack as exceptional examples of Indie (self-published and small press) writing”.

Anyone can vote in as many or as few categories as they want, and there are plenty of raffle prizes to be won if you do. The Grand Prize is a $75 Amazon Gift Card.

If you’d like to vote for Heads You Lose (or any of the books in the thirteen other categories), please go to http://booksandpals.blogspot.gr/2015/03/2015-readers-choice.html and follow the instructions towards the bottom of the page.

Many thanks for voting and good luck with winning a raffle prize.

 

 

‘Heads You Lose’ – Out now on Kindle!

Heads You Lose – the sequel to Lifting the Lid and the second novel in my ‘Lifting the Lid’ series – is now available as an e-book from Amazon. (Paperback edition to follow soon.)

Click here for more information about the book.

Click here to read the first four chapters.

Click here to buy Heads You Lose.

Coming soon! The sequel to ‘Lifting the Lid’

The assignment in Greece might have been the answer to Trevor and Sandra’s problems except for one thing. Someone was trying to frame them for murder… with a watermelon.

Heads You Lose FINAL

Cover design by Brian Ground from an original illustration by Penny Philcox © 2014

Heads You Lose is the second novel in my ‘Lifting the Lid’ series and will be published very soon – first as a Kindle e-book and then in other e-book formats and as a ‘proper’ paperback.

Final publication details will be announced here in the next few days, but in the meantime…

Click here for more information about the book and to read the first four chapters.

Unjust Causes and Non-Impediments – Episode Sixteen of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

Who’s wrong to be right? What was the Great Envelope Controversy? Was this a marriage made in Milton Keynes? What’s this in my yoghourt? Is this the end?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

Cold Off the Press – Episode Fifteen of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

Who’s been roasting chestnuts on an open fire? Who’s had their electricity cut off? Can deep-fried Mars bars be good for you? What do people do with all that olive oil?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

‘Lifting the Lid’ paperback edition

Paperback on toiletThe paperback edition of Lifting the Lid is now available from Amazon.

‘A superb adventure-comedy… Lifting the Lid will grab you and pull you along for a fun and wild ride… I can’t wait for the sequel!’ – Jennifer Reinoehl for Readers’ Favorite

‘It’s brilliant!… You’ll laugh so hard, you’ll have to make a couple trips to the restroom… The writing is fast paced, funny and downright thrilling.’ – Samantha Coville for SammytheBookworm.com

Click here to read more reviews.

Click here to read the first four chapters.

Taxing Times on Terra Firma – Episode Fourteen of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

Anyone for a coup? Can it pay not to get married? Why is giving blood good for your holiday entitlement? Who’s not leaving on a jet plane? What exactly are they imputing?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

‘Lifting the Lid’ – Now available in all e-book formats

'Lifting the Lid'My new comedy thriller is now available in all e-book formats from most online booksellers. (See links towards the top right of this page.)

It’s also been getting some great reviews too. Here are just a few:

“A great story, expertly told.”

“Utterly enjoyable… Plenty of laugh out loud moments and enough substance to sink your teeth into.”

“Refreshingly entertaining… very funny indeed.”

“Jokes and crime – sublime.”

Read the first four chapters.

Lifting the Lid will also be published soon as a paperback.

Unlucky for Some – Episode Thirteen of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

Why is spitting sometimes good for you? How do you get rid of unwelcome guests? How many lives does a Greek cat have? Who put something unpleasant in the Dowager Duchess’s corset?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

‘Lifting the Lid’ – My new novel out now on Amazon

'Lifting the Lid'

Cover design by Brian Ground from an original painting by Kostas Tsoukatos © 2013

Yes, my new comedy thriller is now available from an Amazon Kindle Store near you.

There are some things people see in toilets that they wish they hadn’t. What Trevor Hawkins sees might even cost him his life.

Read the first four chapters of Lifting the Lid, which is a comedy thriller about how a single, split-second decision can change someone’s life for ever.

Lifting the Lid will also be published as a paperback in the next few weeks.

‘Lifting the Lid’ – My new novel out soon!

Part of the front cover of my novel 'Lifting the Lid'

Part of the front cover of my novel ‘Lifting the Lid’ (Original painting by Kostas Tsoukatos © 2013)

There are some things people see in toilets that they wish they hadn’t. What Trevor Hawkins sees might even cost him his life.

At long last, my comedy thriller Lifting the Lid is about to be published – first as an e-book and then as a ‘proper’ paperback.

Here’s a sneak preview of part of the front cover – an original painting by my good friend Kostas Tsoukatos. He usually does portraits and was a bit surprised when I told him what I wanted!

Final publication details will be announced here soon, but in the meantime, click here if you’d like to read more information about the book and the opening four chapters.

Genetically Modified Self-Harvesting Olives!

GM Self-Harvesting Olives

GM Self-Harvesting Olives by Penny Philcox (© 2013) 

Many thanks to Penny Philcox for sending me this great cartoon, which was inspired by a remark I made when I was moaning on about how much I dread the olive harvest in Podcast 10 (“I’d Rather Eat My Own Face”). This is what I said…

Although I’m generally in favour of preserving traditional farming methods and I’m totally against the idea of genetically modifying crops (or anything else for that matter), when it comes to olive trees I would be prepared to make an exception. A friend and I discussed this recently and decided that it shouldn’t be beyond the whit of some scientist or other to design the GM Self-Harvesting Olive. This would be achieved by equipping each olive with it’s own tiny machete, which it would use to cut through its stalk and detach itself from the tree. It could also have a mini parachute so that the fruit would not be bruised when it hit the ground as well as little legs to enable it to walk to the nearest sack and climb into it.

Until that glorious day comes, however, I will have to endure several months of nightmares about the impending harvest and then the pure hell of the harvest itself.

Thanks again, Penny. Maybe there’s hope after all. 😉

Play It Again, Samaras – Episode Twelve of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

Who was ‘European Politician of the Year’ in 2012? Who got their sums seriously wrong? Who says Germans don’t have a sense of humour? What have you done with my leest? What’s a fiscal multiplier got to do with it?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

Ebenezer Merkel And The End Of The World – Episode Eleven of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

So this is Christmas, and what have they done? What happened to all the flying saucers? Is anyone listening in Greenland? Does Santa Claus really eat all those mince pies?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

I’d Rather Eat My Own Face – Episode Ten of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

Anyone for olive harvesting? Is there such a thing as a free lunch? Should olive harvesting be classified as a dangerous sport? Was Vasillis right about farmers?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

The Dog Ate My Microphone – Episode Nine of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

Angela Merkel’s jacket – bad taste or deliberate provocation? Greece – still listless after all these years? Are undocumented cheese pies the real cause of Greece’s financial woes? What did Merkel really say to Samaras?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

No Greeks Please, We’re British – Episode Eight of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

What’s Cameron got against Greek people? If ‘No’ is the answer, what was the question? Who shall not pass? What’s Holst got to do with it? How many quarks are there in a Higgs boson?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

Sinking Ships and Chicken Livers – Episode Seven of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

Who’s over the moon and who’s sick as a parrot? Why are chicken livers useful (and not just to chickens)? Can you slap someone on live TV and get away with it? Is football a game of two Alans?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

Houston, We Have a Problem – Episode Six of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

How hard can it be to type three digits into a computer? Can sitting down regularly in a comfortable chair really rest your legs? Whose gas is it anyway? WTF?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

You Don’t Wanna Do It Like That – Episode Five of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

How many Greeks does it take to tell you how to prune an olive tree? Why is grass a potentially dangerous word? What exactly is a Grexit? Have you got a light?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…