‘Cremains’ – A new comedy crime caper out now!

Featured

Cremains is now available as an e-book and paperback from Amazon.

Cremains cover composite

Cover artwork by Penny Philcox from an original design by Patrick Woodgate © 2019

“It’s not every day that you see some old granny crushed to death under a baby grand piano, and I’m truly grateful for that. I really am. But the even bigger shock was that this woman – a complete stranger – would be coming back to haunt me in the days to come. Not in a spooky, walking-through-walls kind of way but something a lot more real and far more dangerous.”

When sacked bank manager turned bank robber Max Dempsey (aka Simon Golightly) finds himself deep in debt to dodgy undertaker Danny Bishop, he’s prepared to do almost anything to pay it off and keep all of his fingers.

But he’s likely to lose a lot more than his fingers when he agrees to do a “little job” for Danny and unintentionally crosses psychopathic Greek gangster, Nikos Spiropoulos.

Meanwhile, Bernard Pemberton and his granddaughter Tess are on a road trip to scatter their beloved Dottie’s ashes on a Scottish hilltop, but is it really her ashes in the cremation urn or something else altogether?

Cremains is a crime caper that twists and turns its way towards a conclusion that even Max himself couldn’t have predicted.

Click here to read the opening chapters.

Click here to buy Cremains.

Podcasts

“We are all Greeks. Our laws, our literature, our religion, our arts have their root in Greece”
Percy Bysshe Shelley

If you want to know what it’s really like in Greece, have a listen to:A Kilo of String – a series of short podcasts about my – often bizarre – experiences as a Brit living in Greece with the occasional digression into total irrelevances.

I’ve also started another series of podcasts called One Thing and Another, episodes of which aren’t necessarily about Greece (although the first one is).

Follow Rob Johnson on Google+

‘A Kilo of String’ Audiobook Available Now

akos audiobook promo compressed

It’s been a long time coming, but the audiobook of A Kilo of String is finally available from Audible, Amazon and iTunes.

I don’t set the price myself, and I have to say it’s not exactly cheap to buy. However, if you’re interested, you can get a FREE COPY if you sign up to Audible for a 30-day free trial.

Also, if you use one of the links below to sign up and you choose A Kilo of String as your first audiobook, I get a nice little bonus!

AMAZON.COM
AMAZON UK
AMAZON FRANCE
AMAZON GERMANY

And here’s a short sample from the audiobook:

‘A Kilo of String’ – Some reviews so far

A Kilo of String

It has got to be the most hilarious book I have read to date!

Pearls of unadulterated enjoyment.

Brilliant!

I can’t put the book down.

The funniest book ever written about life in Greece!

Your books are a scream. Loved them.

The writing is excellent and really brings to life the lovely eccentricities of the Greek people.

If you want to read something that will make you cry from laughing I highly recommend this book!!!

Rob’s anecdotes are hilarious and ring so true.

Insightful commentary on the troubles Greece is suffering as a result of the austerity measures. All in all a really good read.

Simply hilarious.

An excellent insight to the ways and workings of Greece and the Greeks.

I hope Rob continues to write such fantastic books as this.

I chuckled all through it.

A fine snapshot of life in Greece.

All in all a cracking, good fun read.

Loved the book and love Rob’s sense of humour.

Made me almost choke on my coffee as I laughed out loud.

Captures Greeks beautifully.

Hilarious and informative.

Has me howling with laughter.

Your portrayal of both characters and incidents which both you and Penny came across were at times achingly funny.

Excellent book, very funny and true to Greek life.

There is a certain knack to storytelling and this latest novel is a prime example of how to convey reality to an audience with humour.

A great read!! I really enjoyed his spot-on insight into the Greek psyche.

Click here for more reviews of A Kilo of String

Click here for more details of A Kilo of String

Click here to read the opening chapters

My interview in Expat.com Magazine

Photo from Expat.com interview

Photo of the author hard at work

Ooh er, I’ve been interviewed by Expat.com Magazine about life in Greece to coincide with the publication of my new book, A Kilo of String.

“Rob Johnson is a self-described ‘reluctant olive farmer’ and an author in Greece. Originally from England, Rob has just published his new book, ‘A Kilo of String’, which gives fellow expats and anyone thinking of moving to Greece some insight into the oddities and unique aspects of living there. Rob tells Expat.com a bit about how he’s finding day to day life in Greece, olives and all.”

If you’d like to read the full interview (or just look at the pictures), you can find the article at Writing novels and farming olives: An English expat in Greece.

Living in Greece

Out Now! ‘A Kilo of String’ Audiobook

“Fabulously funny – a real must for lovers of all things Greek.”

A Kilo of String is now available in e-book, paperback and audiobook formats from Amazon.

'A Kilo of String' cover

Cover design by Penny Philcox © 2017

After living in Greece for thirteen years, writer and reluctant olive farmer Rob Johnson has got used to most of the things that he and his partner Penny found so bizarre at the beginning. Most, but not all.

A Kilo of String is the story-so-far of this not-particularly-plucky couple’s often bewildering experiences among the descendants of Sophocles, Plato and Nana Mouskouri with occasional digressions into total irrelevances.

This is a book which is almost guaranteed not to change your life, but what it will do is answer many of the fundamental questions about life in Greece, such as:

How do you avoid ordering a double tomato for your pine marten when booking a hotel room?

Should olive harvesting be registered with the Dangerous Sports Association?

Why are chicken livers useful (other than to the chickens themselves)?

Why is it a good idea to wear your underwear inside-out?

Why is playing the bassoon bad for your health?

Oh yes, and there are some serious bits too about how life in Greece has changed since the beginning of the economic crisis.

A Kilo of String is loosely based on Rob Johnson’s podcast series of the same name, which is free to listen to and download. (See below.)

Click here to read the opening chapters.

Click here to read reviews.

Click here to buy.

 

Taxing Times on Terra Firma – Episode Fourteen of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

Anyone for a coup? Can it pay not to get married? Why is giving blood good for your holiday entitlement? Who’s not leaving on a jet plane? What exactly are they imputing?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

Unlucky for Some – Episode Thirteen of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

Why is spitting sometimes good for you? How do you get rid of unwelcome guests? How many lives does a Greek cat have? Who put something unpleasant in the Dowager Duchess’s corset?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

Play It Again, Samaras – Episode Twelve of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

Who was ‘European Politician of the Year’ in 2012? Who got their sums seriously wrong? Who says Germans don’t have a sense of humour? What have you done with my leest? What’s a fiscal multiplier got to do with it?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

Ebenezer Merkel And The End Of The World – Episode Eleven of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

So this is Christmas, and what have they done? What happened to all the flying saucers? Is anyone listening in Greenland? Does Santa Claus really eat all those mince pies?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

I’d Rather Eat My Own Face – Episode Ten of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

Anyone for olive harvesting? Is there such a thing as a free lunch? Should olive harvesting be classified as a dangerous sport? Was Vasillis right about farmers?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

The Dog Ate My Microphone – Episode Nine of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

Angela Merkel’s jacket – bad taste or deliberate provocation? Greece – still listless after all these years? Are undocumented cheese pies the real cause of Greece’s financial woes? What did Merkel really say to Samaras?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

No Greeks Please, We’re British – Episode Eight of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

What’s Cameron got against Greek people? If ‘No’ is the answer, what was the question? Who shall not pass? What’s Holst got to do with it? How many quarks are there in a Higgs boson?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

Sinking Ships and Chicken Livers – Episode Seven of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

Who’s over the moon and who’s sick as a parrot? Why are chicken livers useful (and not just to chickens)? Can you slap someone on live TV and get away with it? Is football a game of two Alans?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

Houston, We Have a Problem – Episode Six of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

How hard can it be to type three digits into a computer? Can sitting down regularly in a comfortable chair really rest your legs? Whose gas is it anyway? WTF?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

You Don’t Wanna Do It Like That – Episode Five of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

How many Greeks does it take to tell you how to prune an olive tree? Why is grass a potentially dangerous word? What exactly is a Grexit? Have you got a light?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

Do You Wanna Be In My Gang? – Episode Four of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

Are elections a waste of paper? Who ate the Acropolis (with chips)? How do you choose when there’s only one candidate? What can you get for two euros in Greece?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

Smelly Thursday and Spy Wednesday – Episode Three of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

What happens at Easter in Greece? Why is the Thursday before Lent smelly? What did the priest say to the vegetarian? How do you make kokoretzi? Would you really want to?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece. Listen to podcast…

My Big Fat Greek Defence Budget – Episode One of ‘One Thing and Another’ Podcast Series

A bit of spoof investigative journalism into why Greece spends enormous amounts of money on buying weapons whilst simultaneously making massive cuts in jobs, wages, pensions and healthcare.

Eurozone leaders such as Merkel and Sarkozy have been heavily critical of how much Greece spends on healthcare and pensions but have said precious little about its arms expenditure. Could this possibly have anything to do with the fact that most of Greece’s shiny new submarines, fighter planes and tanks have been bought from Germany and France as well as the USA? Or is that just me being cynical?

Click the play button or download the MP3 (9 mins 14 secs – 5.5 Mb)

Snow Going Back – Episode Two of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

Why are there so many blind people on the Greek island of Zakynthos? What’s all this white stuff? Does your chewing gum lose its flavour on the bedpost overnight?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece… Well maybe not the chewing gum one. Listen to podcast…

The Greek Escape – Episode One of ‘A Kilo of String’ Podcast Series

What’s it really like in Greece? Hague the Vague to the rescue? How do you buy string in Greece? What happened to Greek logic?

Listen to the podcast to find the answers to these and many other important questions about life in Greece.     Listen to podcast…